What hurts the most
by NightlyEvilTM
Summary: Starts in 1x22. 'You don't know what you've got til you lose it.' Elena learns that the hard way - by living through it. And now, there is no going back. Or maybe there is...?
1. Chapter 1

Elena hardly slept. All that happened the night before way too much. Meeting Isobel and finding out she was so cold-hearted and... inhuman was hurtful. But there was one thing that couldn't get out of her head. One thing Isobel said that haunted Elena every second.  
_"Because he's in love with you…"_

Elena didn't know why it affected her so much. After all, Isobel said it probably just to cause trouble between her, Stefan and Damon. But still… The words echoed in her head over and over again. And the look on Damon's face when she locked eyes with him while she was in Stefan's embrace haunted her every time she closed her eyes. So vulnerable, so fragile, so human… So desperate to be loved…  
"Damn it!"

Why did she care so much? Why? She was with Stefan who she loved so much. Not long ago she hated Damon, she thought of him as a 'self-serving psychopath with no redeeming qualities'. Why she now couldn't stop thinking about him and the possibility that he felt something for her, that he loved her…  
Elena was lying in bed, still deep in her thoughts about Damon when Jenna knocked on the door.

"Elena, get up! You have to get ready for the parade."

Elena looked herself in the mirror. She felt uncomfortable, but not just physically (that dress hurt). She looked at herself and she knew what Damon and Stefan would see when she appeared. Katherine. The woman they both loved. The women that broke both their hearts. The woman that cam between them. The woman that fell for them both.  
Tears appeared in Elena's eyes. Not because she was afraid the Salvatore brothers saw her just like Katherine's replacement. She was afraid she was becoming Katherine. She was cause the same as the vampire did to Damon and Stefan 146 years ago. She would come between them, and they would hate each other for that. She didn't want this. But how could she stop it?

Elena slowly walked around, looking for Stefan. She suddenly saw him. He had his back turned on her, he was talking with Damon. The elder Salvatore saw her and whatever he was saying, he stopped and looked at her shocked. Stefan turned around again and looked at her, a bit shocked too. She smiled at them and bowed, like a lady from the 19th century would do. Damon's eyes never left hers. She started walking towards them, but then Damon turned around a left. Elena shivered, feeling guilty about reminding him of the woman that broke his heart. But she wouldn't show it. She walked to Stefan and he smiled at her.

"You look beautiful, milady."

"Thank you, sir. You don't look so bad yourself"

They kissed, and for a second Elena wondered if he kissed her or Katherine in that moment. But she didn't allow herself to think about that.

"I didn't expect to see Damon here; I never took him for the parade type of guy."

"Well, I didn't expect him here either. Speaking of Damon, I need to tell you something."

'Not any more bad news, please!' Elena thought.

"Damon thinks he knows who your biological father is."

Elena's heart skipped a beat.

"What? How does he know? Who is it?"

Stefan sighed.

"John Gilbert."  
"What? John?"  
"Damon found out he dated Isobel when they were teenagers and he brought her to your dad's office when she went in labor."  
Elena was shaking.

"All my life, I never liked this man; I couldn't understand how he could be related to dad. I hope it's not true. God, I must sound like a horrible person."

"You don't. It's understandable."

"What should I do?"

"No need to rush – wait till you are ready."

"I don't know if I ever will be."

"Don't think about it now. Let's go find the others and take some pictures. I want a photo with the most beautiful girl here." Stefan said smiling at her.

He was always so sweet and tender, that was one of the reasons she loved him. Elena smiled back, but she was still trembling inside.

Elena saw Bonnie in the crowd and waved at her, smiling. At least she and her best friend were ok again. One good thing in all this drama. Suddenly, Damon appeared in front of Bonnie and waved at her playfully, smirking. Elena felt Stefan tense behind her. She knew he was worried after what Isobel said the night before, considering his and Damon's history. She felt guilty about his worries, that maybe she had given him reason to be jealous. But she couldn't help the fact that she cared for Damon and he became a big part of his life. Still, she knew that she had to show Stefan that he had nothing to worry about. So, she ignored Damon and started waving at the crowed, her look turning away from Damon.

Elena went in The Grill and she heard a familiar voice.

"I like you better like this. The period look didn't suit you."

She looked him in the eyes, not sure what that meant.

"Should I take this as an insult, Damon?"

"No, Elena, it was actually a compliment of the highest order."

They looked at each other and both smiled. Elena couldn't help but feel glad Damon took things this way – he liked her better like this, because she looked like herself, not like Katherine. And this was a reassurance she really needed. But she wouldn't say it out loud. Whatever was happening with Damon, she had to put an end to it, cause it was hurting Stefan, and this was something she wasn't going to do.

"Look, I know Stefan is worried about our friendship."

Damon smirked at her comment.

"Oh, he mentioned something to you too, I see."

Oh, God, this was worse than she thought!  
"No, did he mention something to you?"

"Nothing worth repeating."

"Anyway, Damon, you should stop the flirting and the eye thing that you do."

"What eyes thing?" he asked, trying to sound innocent, but then he did it again.

She gave him a lecturing look, and he immediately stopped.

"Please, don't make me regret being your friend."

His face was now serious, and she could see in his eyes that this friendship meant to him a lot and he wouldn't risk loosing it. Elena then spotted Jeremy and she walked to him, still feeling Damon's eyes on her, making her shiver. She tried to talk to Jeremy and apologize, but he didn't listen. He was so angry and hurt he probably hated her.

"Go to hell, Elena."

With those last words he left. Elena followed him with her gaze, her eyes filling with tears. She then met Damon's eyes, and saw a genuine concern. She didn't say a word, she just looked at him and she knew he understood. After all, they had something. An understanding. Elena wondered if it wasn't more than that.

Elena was walking around with Stefan, enjoying Founder's day, laughing and holding hands with him. It all felt so normal, when she felt someone take her hand. She turned around and saw Damon. He took her small hand in his masculine hands and gently caressed it. She felt Stefan hold her other hand tighter, and she knew she had to do something about it.

"Uhm, Damon, what are you doing?"

"Saving your life."

"What do you mean?"  
"Tomb vampires are here. Their target – the founding families."

Both Elena and Stefan looked shocked.

"Get her out of here. NOW!"

With those words he disappeared into the crowd.

Elena and Stefan had tried to find Jeremy, but the fireworks started. Stefan insisted that he took her somewhere safe. They were walking when he suddenly collapsed, groaning from pain. Elena felt so helpless; she didn't know what was happening or what she could do. She so wished Damon was there.

A deputy walked towards them, but Alaric got him to leave. They took Stefan in a safe place from the council. After a minute, he clamed down, it seemed the pain was finally gone.

"What happened, Stefan?"

"I don't know, there was this piercing pain, it was unbearable."

"It affected all vampires. The deputies injected them with vervain and took them into your family's old building." Alaric said.

"The Gilbert device." Stefan whispered.

"But Bonnie deactivated it."  
"Maybe she didn't. Think about it – we asked her to deactivate a weapon against vampires."

"To protect you!"

"And Damon."  
Realization hit Elena. Bonnie had lied. Which meant that…

"Where's Damon?" Stefan and Elena asked Alaric in the same time.

"I don't know, I haven't seen him since before the fireworks."

Stefan and Elena exchanged a look and they started running to the old Gilbert building.

'Please, let him be ok!' was Elena could think. When they got near the building, Stefan heard fire. Elena was on the verge of tears already. They had to reach him in time.

They saw John, standing on their way, smirking.

"Where's Damon?" Elena asked him. Now more than ever she was disgusted with the thought that he might be her father. But she couldn't think about it. She had to focus on one thing – save Damon.

"It's over for them. This should have been done 145 years ago. You can go if you want to, Stefan. It would spare me the effort of killing you myself."

"Does it have another entrance?" Stefan asked Elena.

She gave him directions and he started running towards the back entrance. Elena went to follow him, but John stopped her.

"One more step and I'll tell the deputies that they missed a vampire."

"I'm asking you not to."

"This means nothing to me."

"It should, considering that you are my father."

John was shocked. He barely whispered:

"You know."

Elena looked at him disgusted.

"I wasn't sure before, but I am now. You better pray they are both ok."

He released her arm and she ran to the building. All that she could think about was how she hoped Stefan reached in time, and he and Damon both came out of this ok. She was already near the entrance when Bonnie caught her and told her not to go in.

"I have to help them, Bonnie. I… I can't lose them."

Bonnie looked at her, and said:

"I'm sorry I lied to you."

Then the witch held Elena's hand and started mumbling something. A spell obviously. Elena didn't know why, but she trusted Bonnie not to betray her again. Because now Bonnie saw how much Elena was willing to risk for the Salvatore brothers – her life.

Elena heard someone coming out of the building. She saw firstly Anna, who looked like hell. Then she saw Stefan, who was carrying Damon in his arms.

'Thank God!' was her first thought.

Then she saw the broken look on Stefan's face, and she looked at Damon's body in Stefan's arms.

"NO!"


	2. Chapter 2

"NO!"

Elena screamed in pain. This couldn't be true; someone was playing some sick joke on them. It was not possible… Only it was true.

Stefan carried Damon's lifeless now body. His skin had turned gray, the veins more visible. There was a stake stuck in his chest, in his heart.

Damon was dead.

Elena knew Stefan was devastated now, she saw it in the brief moment her eyes met his, but she couldn't bring herself to think about him. The shock and pain were too overwhelming.

She approached Stefan, who was standing still with his brother's dead body in his arms. Elena looked at Damon's face. Even now, he looked so painfully beautiful. She gently caressed his cheek, ran a finder through his hair. He looked so peaceful…

Stefan and Elena were both looking in Damon's face, when Anna spoke.

"I'm so sorry. I… I saw how John staked him, and I wish I could have helped him, but there was nothing I could do.. The vervain... I'm sorry, Stefan."

Stefan replied in a barely hearable whisper.

"It's not your fault."

Elena closed her eyes, took a deep breathe and brought herself to speak.

"Jeremy should be home soon. You can go see him, he'd be glad to know you are ok."

Anna nodded, and then left. Just then Elena realized Bonnie was gone too, but she couldn't care less about her in that moment. The only person she cared about right then was dead.

Elena and Stefan kept standing there still, not knowing what to say or do. Stefan heard the deputies coming to check what happened. Even though he felt like he didn't have the strength to do it, he said to Elena:

"The council is coming. We need to go."

Elena nodded.

"What are we gonna do?" she quietly asked.

Stefan sighed.

"I wanna bury him next to our mother. He would have wanted that. You don't have to come, I can do this on my own."

"I want to."

* * *

Stefan and Elena stood there, staring at the place where they just buried Damon. Both hadn't cried even a single tear. Both haven't said a single word so far. They just stood there. A crow flew behind Elena and alighted on the tombstone of Damon and Stefan's mother, where now Damon laid too. In that moment, Stefan stretched his hand and took Elena's hand in his and squeezed it.

"When I saw him down there with a stake in his heart, my first thought was to just… let the fire take me. But… I knew he deserved more than to burn down there to ashes. I owed him more."

Elena didn't say anything, she couldn't bring herself to speak, and she didn't know what to say. So, she just held Stefan's hand tighter. He then embraced her, wrapping his arms tightly around her. She held him back just as tightly. She felt a few tears drop on her shoulder. She wanted to say something to comfort him, but she just couldn't.

Neither one of them knew how long they stayed like that. They were interrupted by Elena's phone.

"You should pick up, it's might be important."

Elena felt like nothing could be important. Not then. Not after… But she picked up after all.

"Elena, where are you? You have to come home; I have to tell you some things."

"What is it, Jenna? Please, tell me both you and Jeremy are ok."

"We are. But, Elena… Your dad's building… There was a fire…"

The mention of the fire cut Elena like a knife in the chest.

"I know, Jenna. It's ok. Please, I don't wanna talk about it."

"Ok, but please, come home. It's late and it's not safe." and with that Jenna hung up.

Elena knew she had to go. Besides, she felt like she couldn't do it any longer without crying. But she was not going to cry.

"Jenna's right, you should go home. We have no idea if all the tomb vampires were in the fire. Please, be careful. I… I can't lose you too…"

Elena caressed his cheek, completely understanding him.

"Will you come with me?"

"I wanna stay here a little longer. Just call me when you get home safe."

She nodded and turned around to go. She then stopped, and turned back to him.

"I love you, Stefan."

She turned around again and started walking, not waiting for him to reply.

* * *

Elena didn't know how managed to end up at home. Her legs took her there like on magic, because her mind was completely closed. She didn't think nor did she feel anything. She was just numb, empty. But somehow, she ended up in front of her house. She looked and saw Bonnie sitting on the porch, obviously waiting for her. She turned her look from Bonnie and was ready to pass across her, but Bonnie stepped in front of her.

"Elena, please. I'm sorry I lied to you. If I could go back I wouldn't have done it…"

"But you can't undo it, Bonnie. I trusted you to help me protect the people I cared about. I trusted you. Damon trusted me. And you let me down, and because of that I let him down. And now he… So I don't care if you are sorry, Bonnie. You can't fix this."

"I really am sorry, Elena. I don't know how I will even look at Stefan again. I know you have no reason to believe me, but I didn't want this…"

"Then why did you purposely lie? Never mind. It doesn't matter if you wanted it or you didn't. It happened and there's no going back. All I want from you is to leave me alone, for a while at least. I will come to you when I am ready. But right now, I don't wanna see you or talk to you. So, can you, please, let me just go home."

Bonnie looked at Elena again, and then left. Elena opened the door and Jenna rushed to her.

"Finally! I was really worried. I tried calling Stefan, but his phone is off…"

"Jenna, please, I can't do this right now. Just leave me alone."

Jenna immediately understood that something was wrong, but she knew better than to dig into it.

Elena then looked past Jenna's shoulder and saw John. Disgust, anger, hate consumed her; she passed through Jenna, went to John and slapped him as hard as she could. He looked at her, waiting for her to say something. But she didn't. She just put all the hate for him the gaze she shot him with. Then she ran upstairs to her room.

* * *

Jeremy was in his room, sitting in his bed, remembering his and Anna's first and only time together. Right there, in the same bed. He closed his eyes, thinking about the second girl he loved and he lost. The pain he held inside him all the time began burning again. If it could just stop…

Then the answer came to his mind. He went to his drawer and picked the vial of blood Anna gave him. Then he was ready to head to the bathroom, drink it and take all the rest of Elena's sleeping pills she got after the accident and the pain would be over, but right then…

"Jeremy."

He turned around and saw Anna. She was alive, ok. Jeremy dropped the vial on the floor and rushed to her, holding her as tightly in his arms as possible. She buried her head in his chest.

"I thought I lost you…" Jeremy whispered.

She pulled away and looked at him.

"You almost did. They drugged me with vervain and dragged me in your family's old house. Then John set it on fire. I would be dead if it wasn't for Stefan."

"What matters is that now you are here. I'm so sorry, Anna, for everything. We can leave tonight if you want. Just… I want you. I love you."

Anna looked at him shocked at first, but then leaned at kissed him with everything she had in herself. The kiss was long and sensual, and after what felt to both of them like eternity, they pulled away. Anna looked into his eyes and said:

"I love you too. But we can't leave. Not now. Right now your sister needs you."

"Anna, please, not you too. Elena lied to me, she made decisions from me, she kept me in the dark. I can't just forget that."

"She did it because she wanted to protect you. But even if she wasn't right, she is going through something painful now, and she needs you to be there for her."

"What happened?"

"Talk to her. She just got into her room."

Jeremy hesitated. Everything that happened tonight stressed him and he was afraid…

"I will be here when you come back, I promise."

They smiled at each other and then Jeremy went to Elena's room.

* * *

Elena closed the door of her room and leaned against the door. She looked around the room and memories came back to her.

She saw him install himself on her bed, taking her teddy. She saw him looking through her drawer. She saw him invading her personal space again. She saw him grin and smirk and do the eye thing as she had called it.

Elena looked at her desk and she saw the photo she got printed just a couple of days ago: it was from the pageant, she and Damon dancing and smiling at each other so genuinely. She remembered the relief and the hope she felt as he stepped in to save her from humiliation, she remembered the electricity she felt between their hands through the near touch part of the dance. She remembered the harmony she felt when she was finally in his arms when they danced. She remembered the way he looked at her, his bright beautiful blue eyes that she felt penetrating her soul. Then she remembered Stefan getting out of the burning building desperate. She remembered seeing Damon's lifeless body. She remembered how she had kissed his forehead before she and Stefan buried him. She remembered how he slowly disappeared into the ground…

Damon was really gone.

It finally hit her completely. He was never gonna come back. He was never gonna smirk again, he was never gonna mock her and Stefan, he was never gonna deliberately get too close to her…

Tears finally started falling and Elena felt like she would never be able to stop them again. She dragged on the floor, crying out all the pain she felt and it still wasn't enough. It would never be enough. He was gone…

"Elena? It's me, Jer. Can I talk to you?"

Even her brother's sudden desire to speak to her again couldn't stop the tears, couldn't stop the pain.

Jeremy could hear her cry on the other side of the door. Even though he was mad at her, he didn't want to see her hurt. Elena was his sister, no matter what.

"Elena, open the door, please, or I will break it and get in. Even though I'm not a vampire like Damon and Stefan, I can still do it!"

Slowly, Elena got up and opened the door. What Jeremy saw then was a vulnerable girl with completely broken heart. And this girl was his sister. He got inside, closed the door, leaded her to the bed, made them both sit and then wrapped her in his arms.

"Shhh, it's gonna be ok, sis. I'm here."


	3. Chapter 3

Elena cried and cried. The feeling of loss consumed her; she felt the loss of Damon with every cell of her body. She didn't know when or how it happened, when or how Damon became such a big part of her life, but she knew that she had no idea how life was supposed to be without him. Damon, her Damon…

Elena cried till she had no more tears to cry. When she finally stopped, she closed her eyes and listened to Jeremy, who still whispered words of comfort to her. She then finally pulled away from his embrace and looked him in the eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Jeremy. I shouldn't have lied to you. I just thought I was doing the right thing. After you saw Vicky's death, it was just like mom and dad all over again, if not worse. I… I just didn't want you to feel that pain. Now I know it's wrong and I am sorry. I love you, Jer."

"I love you too, sis. I'm still a bit mad, but… it's ok. Just no more secrets, ok?"

Elena nodded and hugged him again. When they pulled away, Jeremy asked:

"What happened tonight?"

Elena closed her eyes and took a deep breathe. She didn't know how she would go through it again, but maybe if just shared it, then it would hurt slightly less.

"Damon's dead. John killed him."

Jeremy sighed. Sure, Damon was definitely not his favorite person, and he did thing Jeremy would never forgive, but still, he never wanted him dead. He felt bad about it – he who barely knew him, and who had many reasons to hate him. What was it like for Elena then, who cared about him, Jeremy could only imagine.

"I'm sorry, Elena."

She nodded her head, not knowing what to say.

"How's Stefan?"

"Devastated. He lost not only his brother, but the only constant thing in his whole existence…"

The words were coming hard from her mouth, cause the memories were hurting like a knife stabbed in her chest.

"We… We tried to save him. Stefan went into the burning building to save him, but… John had staked him before they set the building on fire. Stefan helped Anna and he brought Damon's body, so we could bury him properly…"

The images flew through her mind and that was enough to make her want to cry again. But she was going to be strong. She had to.

"Elena, what exactly happened tonight? Anna told me I was in danger, then she suddenly became crying in pain and they took her…"

"The woman that kidnapped you, she was my birth mother, Isobel. She wanted a device, made by Jonathon Gilbert, and Damon had this device, but we didn't know what it was. Bonnie and I researched, and we found out that the device was actually a weapon against vampires that her ancestor enspelled. Bonnie said she could deactivate it, and we can give it to Isobel, so she would let you go. Damon didn't trust her with it, since she hated him, but I convinced him to let us do it. He agreed. Bonnie removed the spell. Or so we thought. The tomb vampires wanted to get revenge on the founding families tonight. But John knew about it and he used the device against them. It caused them this pain. Then the deputies took them in dad's old building. They took Anna and Damon too. Alaric and I managed to protect Stefan. We went to save Damon, but…"

By this time, Elena couldn't stop the tears anymore. Guilt and regret were burning her, she felt like she couldn't breathe…

"It's all my fault. If I didn't ask him to trust me, he'd still be alive. I killed him…"

"Elena, stop, it's not your fault. You did what you had to do, k. It is _not_ your fault."

"But I made him do it. I told him he could trust me, and now he's gone… And I… I already miss him so much. I…"

She just couldn't put the way she felt in words.

* * *

Elena hardly got any sleep. Every time she managed to fall asleep, images from the previous night invaded her dreams and she woke up immediately. Even so, she stayed in bed late, so Jenna would be gone. Elena knew her aunt worried about her, but she just couldn't bring herself to talk to her and make up some lie. Not about that.

When she went downstairs to get some coffee, she saw John who was fixing himself some breakfast. Anger and hate once again overwhelmed her, and for once she felt something other than pain, guilt, loss and regret.

John gave her a look she couldn't put a name to, and then said:

"We should talk – we have a lot to discuss."

"We have nothing to discuss. I want you out of this house, out of this town, out of my life and the lives of the people I care about."

"Elena, I did what I had to do to protect you, Jeremy, and this town. Vampires are…"

She couldn't believe he was trying to reason his actions. She slapped him again before confronting him.  
"Don't! Don't you dare try to make excuses! Damon was never a threat to me. He had saved my life more than once. He wasn't a treat to the town – he actually died wanting to protect it. So don't try to turn into some good doing."  
"How do you think Grayson would have felt if he…"

"My dad would have never hurt someone I loved!"

Both Elena and John were shocked by the last word that came out oh her mouth.

_Loved_.

Elena turned her look away from John, staring at the spot when Damon had asked her to be honest with him about Stefan's intentions. He was so vulnerable then, putting all his trust in her. Elena remembered how everything inside of her screamed to tell him the truth, but her loyalty to Stefan made her lie. Made her betray him. Made her hurt him. An ache pierced her heart and she was lost in her own thought and feelings when she heard John whisper her name. She turned again to face him.

"I meant what I said – leave my parents' house and don't come back. I don't want to see you or Isobel ever again. You two are dead to me. When I get back, I want you out of here."

* * *

Elena planned on going straight to the boarding house, but she found herself at the old Salvatore mansion. She knew why.

Stefan and Damon's mother's grave was there; there they had buried Damon last night. She stood in front of the grave, and as crazy as it sounded, she could feel his presence, somehow.

"I remember the last time we talked before this whole nightmare. _'Don't make me regret being your friend'_ I told you. I said it so you'd stop the flirting which made Stefan uncomfortable. But I lied. I could never regret being your friend, Damon. Never. Cause you were not just a friend. When I met you, even though you were wrapped in mystery, there was something about you that drew me, a connection. After that you gave me every reason to hate you, and for a long time I almost did. But never quite truly. After that, you saved my life, and in Georgia you awoke a part of me I thought died with my parents. You slowly, but surely made your way in my heart. When I found out about Isobel, I wanted so much to hate you, to despise you. But I just couldn't. Cause you already meant too much to me. All that happened after that just made it deeper. Till the point when I forgot what it was like not having you in my life. The point when you became that one person who I could talk to about everything, the person who understood me and on who I leaned on when no one else was there. The point when you became my rock. The point when you started meaning more to me than you should. The point when I began loving you."

A few tears escaped her eyes as she continued talking.

"And now you are gone, and I just don't know what to do. I feel so lost and… There are so many things I wanted to tell you, to give you, to do for you, with you… But you are gone."

Her legs couldn't hold her any longer, and she kneeled on the ground, tears still escaping her eyes.

"Why, Damon? Why did you leave me?"

* * *

Stefan was sitting in front of the fireplace in the boarding house. He had been sitting there ever since he came back from the grave in dawn. The feeling of ultimate loss had crushed him. He felt like his body couldn't even function. At some point he heard Elena's steps outside, and he knew what he was about to do, which broke his heart into even more pieces. Eventually, he heard her come into the room. She sat next to him, not saying a word. She just took his hand in hers, trying to give him the comfort he needed.

"I tried so hard to hate him, but it was pointless. At the end of the day, I still loved him as much as I did when we were two kids running around the house. You know, he used to always look out for me. I remember how when I had nightmares when I was little, he would come and tell me that it would all be ok, that nothing would hurt me – he wouldn't allow it. I remember how when I was 8 some gamins tried to beat me, he came running to help me, beat the crap out of them and said "If you ever again touch my brother, I will make you regret even being born.". He was always the rebellious kid, and he loved to piss off father. I tried to cover him up, but he always took responsibility, even when it was not entirely his fault. He was my brother and my best friend. He was the one I looked up to."

Elena listened carefully to him, both cause she knew he needed it, and cause someway it made her feel close to Damon.

"But then Katherine came into the picture. And everything changed. We became selfish, we started competing with each other. And then I betrayed his trust. Later, when we were trying to free Katherine, he got shot. The moment I saw him falling, a part of me died. But I was still selfish. Even if it was for a second, I thought that Katherine would be all mine. I never stopped hating myself for that thought. Never in 146. And later, when I completed the transition, no matter we had agreed not to, I brought the girl to him and ripped her neck open – I knew he wouldn't be able to resist. And then I'd have my brother again, just like before, for the rest of eternity. I didn't care he didn't want this. I wanted to have him in my life."

Stefan closed his eyes for a second, replaying the scene in his head.

"But he hated me. And he had every reason to. We parted our ways. I was lonely, and it hurt, so I just let the monster consume me. I was worse than you can possibly imagine. I killed, and enjoyed it. There were times I killed people just for entertainment, not to feed for them. That went on for decades. Do you know when I decided to change? It was 1921. I hadn't seen Damon ever since the night we turned. I had just arrived in New Orleans, and I was walking around the streets, looking for a girl to have fun with and suck dry after. When I saw my brother from a far. Except he was not my brother. He was a monster without humanity. In that moment something inside of me snapped. It hurt me to see him like this, I just couldn't believe it. In all those years, the only things I had felt had been hunger, anger and lust. The first two because I couldn't switch them off. The third one because I didn't want to switch it off. But when I saw Damon, I suddenly realized how much I missed my old life. I realized what I've become. And I decided to change. I tried to reason him, but he hated me too much to listen to me. It was there when I started feeding on animals. Damon either pretended I wasn't there, or he tried to cause havoc and to mess up with me. But then I got into trouble – there was a vampire who wanted to kill me. I couldn't stand against him, since I have been drinking human blood. When I thought it was the end, Damon came and saved me. I became hopeful again that we could go back to the way we were. But then he just disappeared. Years passed before I saw him again. And every time it was the same thing. At some point, I started convincing myself I hated him. I think I even believed it for a long time."

Stefan sighed and then continued.

"When I came back here, I wanted to start a new life. With you. Then he came back and I saw him for the first time in 15 years. He tried to ruin everything I had began building. There were times I thought I wanted to kill him. But he changed. You changed him. I saw sides of him I had seen for the last time before we were turned. But with everything that happened, I never had the chance to really talk to him. And then my stupid insecurities leaded me to one thing – confronting him about his friendship with you and telling him over and over again to stay away from you. I was mean and harsh on him. That's the last thing I did. I didn't tell him I loved him, I didn't tell him I had forgiven him for what he did to, and I never asked for his forgiveness for what I did to him."

Elena squeezed his hand tighter, hoping it would make them both feel even slightly better. Stefan squeezed her and back tighter too, and he finally turned around to face her. Their eyes met and somehow they both knew. That even though they still loved each other, the end had come. Stefan leaned and pressed a kiss on Elena's forehead, then rested his own against hers for a few seconds. He then looked into her eyes and began talking again.

"I have to go. I don't know where or for how long, but I need to. You can always call me if you need anything, and you should know that I will always love you, no matter what."

Elena took his hand again.

"I understand, Stefan. Just… Promise me you will be careful, because I can't bear to loose you too."

"I promise."

He then stood up and picked something from the table. He then handed it to Elena. It was a beautiful book with leather front.

"What is this?"

"Damon's journal. He wrote in it back when we were human, and he recently started writing in it again. He'd want you to have it."

Elena looked the book, and ran her fingers in it. She was trembling when she thanked Stefan. He looked at her and he knew that even though she still loved him, a big part of her loved Damon. And while yesterday morning this would have hurt him, now it gave him so sort of peace.


	4. Author's note

Hey, guys! Just to let you know – I have written the first 3 pages of next chapter. It will probably be ready in a couple of days. Thank you all for the reviews and story alerts! It means a lot!

If you want, I can give you some tiny spoilers about next chapter, but I'll do it only if you say you want me to..

x0x0

Ver


	5. AN 2

Since you, guys, obviously prefer to get some hint of what's going to happen, let me give you this:

The emotional Stelena farewell will take place. I know I marked this as a Delena story, and it will be, trust me. But I still want it to feel right, which means Stelena have to get their closure. Also, John will explain himself to Elena. And there will be a lot of Damon's journal; some things about his past will be explained.

For now, that's all you'll know. I'm sorry I'm delaying it, but I spent a lot of tims with my friends, since I miss them, and soon we will all be in different cities, and… I just love my friends more than writing. I hope you understand!

x0x0


	6. Chapter 4

"So, I guess this is a goodbye."

"I guess it is."

Stefan and Elena looked at each other intensely for a few more moments, then they wrapped their arms around each other tightly. They both knew their relationship was over. Maybe for good. Still, this hug was what they both needed. They both needed to feel the other one close to them, even if it was for the last time. Cause they had loved each other. They still did. But truth was things had begun to change between them some time ago, and it became even more tangible after Stefan's snap with human blood. But what changed them for good was Damon. He changed them so much there was no going back to the way Stefan and Elena were before. And they knew it. That's why that hug meant so much. It was hug of comfort for two people who lost someone they loved. It was a farewell to a love that they used to think would last forever and now were not sure if they'd see each other again.

They kept hugging each other for a long time. Eventually, they pulled away, and looked into each other's eyes again. Then Elena spoke.

"He loved you, too, you know. He spent the last 146 years wanting to hate you, convincing himself he did. He was so angry with you that he let it blind hi. But he loved you just like you loved him."

Stefan looked at her, and smiled a little.

"I know."

They looked into each other's eyes again.

"Goodbye, Elena."

"Goodbye, Stefan."

* * *

Elena walked home; it seemed she was alone. She sat on the couch, still holding Damon's journal in her hands. She looked at it – it was a beautiful old book with leather cover. The style screamed Damon. It was beautiful. She ran her fingers on it again, and she shivered again. Just then, she heard someone walking down the stars. In a few seconds, John came into the room, and he had a suitcase in his hand. Elena didn't say anything to him and looked away. He left the suitcase on the floor and sat next to her. She still didn't react. He took a deep breathe and started talking.

"I fell in love with Isobel the moment I saw her. I'm pretty sure she never loved me. But still, she was sweet, caring, amazing and special. When we found out she was pregnant, we were freaked out, we were teenagers after all. And we both knew we couldn't give our child… We couldn't give you what you needed. That's why we decided to give you up – for you to have a better life. Grayson and Miranda still didn't have a kid, even though they wanted to. I knew they would be amazing parents. And I'd still get to see you, be in your life at least a little. When they died, I thought that maybe it was our chance to be a family again – you, Isobel and me. But Isobel was not the woman I knew, the woman I loved. And besides, I knew that I had no right to take away the family you knew, your life from you. So I did nothing. Again. Big part of why I hate vampires so much is what Isobel became, how it ruined her. I blamed and still blame myself for sending her to Damon. I knew she asked him to turn her, but I still resented him for doing it. I thought it was our fault – his and mine. And when I saw that you were involved with him and Stefan, I knew I had to do something, because I didn't want you to be ruined as Isobel was. I wanted to get them out of your life at any cost. If I had the chance, I'd have killed Stefan too last night. Cause I don't want this life for you. I did what I thought was best for you. I did it to protect you. I'm not saying all this, hoping you'll forgive me. I'm saying it hoping you'd understand me at least a little."

Elena listened carefully every word he said. Some things got to her, but she couldn't bring herself to stop blaming him and hating him. She doubted she ever could.

When she didn't say a thing, John sighed, and stood up.

"I am leaving as you asked me. I know you are mad, and you are probably right. I just want you to know that if you ever need me, I'll be there. And I hope you'll forgive me someday."

John looked at her one last time, then grabbed his suitcase and left. Elena felt so desperate, and on the verge of tears once again. But she didn't want to cry anymore, she wanted to be strong. She had to be.

* * *

The rest of the day was unbelievably uneventful. Jenna was worried about what was going on, and tried to get the truth out of Elena, but Elena was just irresponsive. When they finally called it a night, Elena went to her room. She saw the picture of her and Damon on her desk. She picked it up and ran her fingers on it with a heavy heart. She closed her eyes and relived it, every second of it, every look they shared, every near touch, every touch, every shiver that went through her body, every emotion she felt.

"I miss you…"

She opened her eyes and looked at Damon's journal on her nightstand. Elena sat on the bed and took it in her hands. She hesitated for a second before opening it and she started reading.

Damon had started it in 1855, when he was 15. He hadn't written very often or about every single thing that happened to him. He had written a lot about Stefan. Damon considered him the most important thing in his life. He wrote that he would do anything to protect him; that his little brother had the reason he stayed in the family home, otherwise he would have left long time ago. He wrote about how his father was cold and heartless, all about what people would say or think. How he tried to tie Damon's spirit and turn him into a conformist, but he would never allow it. Damon had described some stories with Stefan, and also ones that he had pissed off his father and shocked their surroundings, like for example how when they went to visit a family friends – some baronet family, they caught him with their maid, and he was only 16 back then. Elena smiled when she read that.

'So typically Damon" she thought.

One entry caught her attention when she saw the date – November 5, 1857:

"_Today was Stefan's 10th birthday. I have never seen him that happy. He considers himself a big boy now. But he is still just an innocent child. And even though father treats him much better than he does treat me, I still see how he's trying to shape his personality. But I won't allow him that. My brother is the best thing in my life, the only person worth loving. I'd rather die than let father break him. Stefan is special. He is radiating and full of life. I love him, and I am blessed to have him. But even though I was happy to celebrate his birthday, I couldn't help thinking of this as also the day my mother died. God knows I wouldn't trade having my brother in my life for anything, but I miss her. Especially today. I remembered it so clearly… _

_My father was away. We were in the garden, mother was reading a book on the bench, and I was running around. I __took a flower from the garden and I went to give it to her. She kissed my forehead and told me she loved it. Suddenly, her water broke. The maids took her to the chamber. I wanted to go with her, I was so worried, but they wouldn't let me. I waited and prayed she was ok. After long hours of waiting, they let me in the room. She was lying on the bed and was holding the baby. She told me to approach, and she introduced me my brother, Stefan. She told me I was a big brother now, and I'd have to take care of him. I promised her I would. They put him in the crib, and mother told me to lie next to her. She hugged me and we fell asleep. When I woke up, she was still sleeping. I tried to wake her, but she didn't wake up. There was blood all over the sheets. I screamed for her to wake up, but she wouldn't open her eyes. She never opened them again…_

_I guess my father hates me so much because he blames me for her death, since I was with her then. I blame myself too. I ask myself every day if she would have survived if I woke up earlier, would we have been able to help her. The guilt haunts me every day for the last 10 years. _

_There are days I can't remember things about her – like the exact sound of her laugh, or the way she carried herself. But I still miss her every day. Unlike father, mother was kind hearted and beautiful inside. She was the one person I loved unconditionally, and who loved me unconditionally. _

_But I have my __brother; he is that person for me now. Maybe I am so protective of him because of the promise I made to my mother – to look after him and protect him. Maybe it is because he looks so much like her. Maybe it is because he's the only person who doesn't judge me. I do not know the reason, and it doesn't matter. What I am positive about is that my brother is the only person I would give up anything for, even if it costs my life." _

Elena was crying again. She had never known anything about Stefan and Damon's mother, the only time she had asked Stefan about her was before she knew he was a vampire, and he had told her that she died long time ago. Now she knew why. Stefan had no memories of her, and the ones Damon had, it was too painful for him to share. It was never easy for him to open up about his feelings, but about things that hurt him, it was especially hard. He had faced so much loss in his life, and so little love he had received. He had been desperate to not be lonely, and to be loved. He was afraid to let his heart be broken again, so he acted heartlessly, and hat built these walls around himself. And no one cared enough to look behind them. Even she didn't. She had spent months seeing just what was easy for her to see. She spent months convincing herself and everyone around her he was a monster. She spent months…

"No, I'm not gonna do this, not now." she whispered to herself and she continued reading.

* * *

Elena read about places Damon visited, things he experienced, people he met. Some things didn't surprise her, like the fact that even then he enjoyed himself in the company of beautiful woman, or that he didn't care what people said or thought. There were things that surprised her, like the fact that he wanted to have a big family, with lots of kids; or that his favorite composer was Beethoven.

Elena read and read. She was currently reading an entry from 1859, about of Damon's affairs – Jane Forbes. Damon had written that she was beautiful, and they expected her to live her life based on someone else's expectations, just like him. That obviously drew them together. Damon had written that he knew what he and Jane had was not love, and would never be, but this carefree no-commitment relationship they had suited them both. There were one or two entries after that one, where Damon had written a little about Jane, Stefan and his father. What Elena saw next surprised her. It looked like many pages were torn away from the journal. Elena wondered who took them, was it Damon himself, or was it someone else. She wondered what was so secret that it had to be hidden.

**(*AN – I have a sequel of this fan fiction where this will be explained if I do write the sequel after I finish this, but I promise if I don't make a sequel, I'll give you the opportunity to ask me what I had in mind****.)**

For a brief second it was like she had forgotten reality and she thought 'How will I ask Damon about it…" And then reality hit her again. She couldn't ask him. He was gone. Elena sighed and left the journal on her bed. She went downstairs to get a glass of water, in attempt to calm herself, because like every other time she thought about how Damon was dead, she felt on the edge. Just when she turned around from the sink, she saw someone she didn't expect in front of her.

"Anna, you scared me! What are you doing here?"

The vampire looked at Elena and smiled a little.

"I was with Jeremy. He's asleep, but I heard you coming here and decided to check if everything is alright."

Elena just nodded and then sat behind the kitchen table, and Anna joined her.

"Look, Elena, I know I don't have the best record with you, but I want you to know that I am sorry for kidnapping you. I just wanted my mom back."

"It's ok, Anna. I probably would have done the same. I'm sorry about what John did to her."

At the mention of his name, both girls frowned.

"It's not your fault. It just hurts to lose someone you love so shortly after you got them back…"

"Yeah…"

Anna sighed, and spoke again.

"I feel guilty, you know. I wanted so much to help him, but I couldn't. And I am sorry."

"You don't have to feel guilty, Anna. You were full of vervain. It's a miracle you got out of there alive. I'm glad you did. You mean a lot to Jeremy, and you make him happy, that much I can tell."

"He makes me happy, too. Being around him makes it… better."

Both Elena and Anna stayed silent for a few moments, before Anna spoke again.

"Damon cared about you, Elena. When I wanted to open the tomb, he was determined not to work with me. Up until the moment I threatened you. When I mentioned it, he just asked me when we were going to do it. Even then, when you had betrayed him, and he claimed all he wanted was to have Katherine back, he cared about you and he wasn't willing to risk your life. And when I told him about the tomb vampires, I could tell his first thought was to protect you. You changed him, Elena. A few months ago, he wouldn't have cared if the town was safe, but that night he was ready to do anything to protect it. You gave him his humanity back, Elena."

Elena looked down, not sure what to say or do or feel. Somehow, she knew all this was true. She knew it because she saw it. She saw him change. What hurt her was that he didn't know he had changed her, too.

"You had feelings for him, didn't you?"

Elena looked at Anna, and took a deep breathe.

"When I fist met him, he was just the charming mysterious brother of Stefan. I liked being around him, cause he somehow reminded me of how I was before my parents died – carefree, funny, sarcastic. But after that I learned about what he was, what he had done. And I couldn't accept it. He acted as a heartless monster. There was a time I thought I hated him. But things happened, and we spent more time together, and I saw he was not the monster he pretended to be. I saw he had a different side of him, as much as he wanted it to stay hidden. Slowly, we got closer, and I began caring about him more and more every single day. When Isobel told me he was in love with me, I didn't know how I felt about it. I was confused. I knew I loved Stefan, that I was positive about. But I knew that Damon and I shared something… different. Something strong. But I decided to bury it, and be just friends. I just didn't want to admit it, because it meant I was doing what I wanted most not to do – I was becoming just like Katherine. But then… Then I lost him, and this was what made me face what I truly feel. I'm not saying I stopped loving Stefan, but… Somewhere along the way, I began loving Damon, and I love him. And I want just to be able to tell him that. I wish I could just go back, and let him know how much he meant to me."

Elena sighed again, feeling all this pain and this regret. And even though confessing it made the weight on her chest a little less heavy, it made all that happened even more real.

* * *

After her conversation with Anna, Elena got back into her bedroom, and climbed back into bed, and took again Damon's journal, starting to read again.

There were only three more entries. And they were all recent ones – after the time he met her.

The first one was written a little after the tomb.

_I hate it. I hate the way she makes me feel. I hate that she makes me feel. But she does. Elena does__ it – she makes me feel again. _

_The last time I allowed myself to feel was over a century ago. Even then, in my last days as a human, I didn't let myself feel it all, because I knew it would break me. _

_I am not saying I did not love Katherine, because I did. I probably still do. Katherine Pierce was the one person who managed to… __resuscitate__ me. When she came into my life, for the first time in years, I felt like there was something worth living for. She was my salvation. And I loved her for that. I might have been using her to fix me, but I did love her as much as my heart was capable to love someone then. I loved her with passion. But still… I never let myself feel neither hope, nor I let even her all the way in. When I lost her, and my brother, the other person who I still felt something for, in the same night, I wanted just to... I wanted to either turn it of, to never feel the burning pain of the loss, or to die. When Stefan forced me to turn, I had one goal: to teach myself not to feel anything. Not a single emotion, except for the essential ones who couldn't be turned of – anger, fear and huger. I practiced, and did everything to just to master the ability not to feel. And I did, mostly. All the pain I turned into anger towards my brother, and longing for Katherine. But most of the time, I didn't allow myself to feel even that. _

_How did __Elena manage to change me in these short months that I've known her? How could she make me feel so much? She's just a human. _

_Maybe it's this – that she is just a human, but she's brave enough to stand up to vampires; that she has morals, yet, she cared enough to save me; that she wrapped her arms around me when I was once again alone, abandoned and… hurt. _

_I don't know how she's doing it, or if she knows it. She's making me feel… human again. She makes me feel guilt, and shame, and desire to comfort her, and that pain… But I know I won't her go any further. I won't let her any more in, because in the end she will leave like everyone else – she will either betray me or die. I don't want that again. _

_I will try to find Katherine. Maybe she never wanted me, but I want her, and I want her to do it again. To make me forget. Because when I remember..._

_And Elena makes me remember again…_

The entry ended there. Elena was stunned. She realized she hadn't known Damon at all. She didn't know about his pain, about his issues, about his feelings, about the effect she had on him.

She knew so little about him, yet she loved him so much.

* * *

The next entry was from the period while Stefan was locked in the basement because of the human blood.

_My brother is a spoiled selfish brat. _

_Stefan has so much, and all he does is feel sorry for himself. His hero complex made him deny his nature for so many years, and now others have to deal with the consequences. I have to. Elena has to. _

_She's strong, and manages to keep it together, even though she is hurting. Others may not see it, but I do. __I see that she's carrying everyone on her shoulders, and the weight is becoming too much, but she keeps carrying it. I see that she's always the strong one, taking care of the others, while she needs someone to take care of her. Not to lie to protect her like Stefan does, but to… Listen to her, understand her, and be by her side. _

_No one sees it, because it's easier for them this way. But I see it. _

Elena shivered. How could he know her so much better than her friends, than her family did? How could he know her better than she knew herself?

The last entry was from the night before Founder's Day. The night after Isobel's visit and declaration. The night before he died.

_I am not vulnerable, or weak. Unless it comes to her. _

_When Isobel came, and I saw how much it upset Elena, all I wanted was to rip Isobel limb to limb. I wanted to end her existence, to destroy her like I created her. But I couldn't do it. Because Elena would never forgive me. Because it would break her heart. And I can't live with that. _

_What Isobel said that I was in love with Elena, I thought that she was saying it just to cause tension between the three of us. But when I saw Elena wrapped in my brother's embraced, I realized that Isobel just saw right through me. _

_I tried so hard to fight it, but it was just pointless. I have fallen for Elena and there is no going back. _

_Stefan feels threatened. He is afraid that we are going to repeat our past. One more proof that my brother is an idiot. _

_Elena is not Katherine. She is devoted, loyal, loving, and selfless. She would never do this to Stefan or to me. _

_This is why I will never have her. _

_I provoked Stefan, pushed his buttons on purpose. I said I would be Elena's friend in a way I knew it would make him jealous. He deserves to feel insecure for once. But truth is I won't make a real move on Elena until it feels right, because I know otherwise I will push her away. _

_And I can't let this happen. _

_I will keep the little flirting, the comments, the teasing, because it's just how I am. And I love this judging look in her eyes. But I won't tell her how I feel, because it will ruin our… friendship. _

_And I'd rather have her as my friends than not having her at all. _

Elena was out of breathe. When Isobel said Damon loved her, it was different. It haunted her, but it was different. Reading it now, written by his hand, a declaration that came from his heart, it was something else. It made her heart skip a beat, it made her shiver.

It made her miss him even more…

* * *

**So, firstly sorry about the long wait. But I haven't been at home much, so… Yeah, you got it =] **

**I wanna thank all the people who put this story on story alert, favorited it or reviewed. It means a lot!**

**There will be one or two chapters more before the real Delena =] No spoilers about that! You'll have to wait to find out :P **

**And one more thing. The thing written in the missing pages and the one Damon mentions (the one Katherine makes him forget, and Elena makes him remember) are the same. It won't come up in this story, it will in the sequel if I go so far. But still, I'd love to hear your guesses what it might be. If someone gets it right, I will contact them and we'll think of some sort of prize =]**

**x0x0**

**Ver**


	7. Chapter 5

"Miss Elena Gilbert, escorted by Mr. Stefan Salvatore."

Elena took a deep breath, and put a smile on her face as she started going down the stairs. To her shock, Stefan was not there waiting for her. Panic started to overwhelm her as she wondered why he could be missing, and realized the huge humiliation of not having an escort.

Then she saw him step in. Damon. He looked her directly in the eyes, and a wave of relief and peace came over her. He saved her. As she approached him, she still couldn't help but feel worried about Stefan's absence, so she asked Damon in a whisper where his brother was, and he whispered back he didn't know. Then he took her hand in his, and a shiver went through her whole body. As they walked to the notes of the music, she tried so hard not to show how much his touch affected her, so much more than it should.

They were now in front of each other, bowing before the dance, she quietly asked him what they were going to do, and he replied that for now they had to get through this and nodded a little to give her the reassurance she needed. Then they both lifted their left hands, and placed them just inches apart. As they circled each other, Elena could feel the electricity between them. 'The intimacy of the near touch'… Finally, Elena understood what Mrs. Lockwood meant. When she practiced with Stefan, it all seemed so stupid. Now, here she was, dancing with Damon, and felt like her body was going to explode from the tension, the strong desire to just touch him, to entangle her fingers with his. Too soon, they put their hands down, and Elena felt anxious to get the feeling again. And she didn't have to wait long. She and Damon lifted their right hands, and began dancing again. A smile formed on Damon's lips, while his intense gaze was still locked with hers. Elena couldn't help but tremble. This was more intense than anything she had experienced before. The moment they finally touched, the moment he took one of her hands, and he placed his other hand on her back, while she put hers on his shoulder, the rest of the world disappeared. They danced and danced, and slowly everyone around them somehow disappeared. Their eyes stayed locked on each other and small smiles were on both their faces, it seemed they were the only two people in the world at that moment.

When the song ended, there was no one around them. They stopped moving, and Damon looked at her even more intensely than before. Then he leaned and gently kissed her cheek. When his soft lips gently touched her skin, Elena found herself wanting the feeling to never end. Eventually, he pulled away, smiled at her, and whispered "Goodbye, Elena.", and he started walking backwards. Watching him walk away brought Elena to tears. She couldn't let him go; she needed him there, next to her, for the rest of all time. She wanted to go after him, but she just couldn't move. "Damon, don't go. Please, stay with me." But he continued walking backwards, still smiling at her. "Please, Damon, stay! I need you! I love you."

It was suddenly dark. And he was gone.

Elena's eyes snapped open, and she was breathing heavily. It was only a dream.

* * *

Elena looked at herself in the mirror and told herself she would pretend it was all ok. When people asked about Stefan's absence, she would lie and tell them he and Damon had to leave because of some family matters. When they asked her how she was taking it, she'd reply she was fine. She was going to pretend she didn't feel like crying again. She was going to pretend her heart was not broken. She was going to pretend.

The first two periods passed without Elena even realizing. Everything around her seemed so distant. Third period was history. When she saw Bonnie she averted her eyes, took her place at her desk and opened the history book, pretending she was reading. Matt came to talk to her about Caroline finally getting released from the hospital that day, but nothing he said really stuck in her mind and she responded robotically. "That's great." "Yeah, I will go see her soon." She was talking about Caroline, but it was clear her mind was elsewhere. When Alaric came into the classroom, Matt returned to his desk.

The teacher glanced over at Elena, but she didn't look at him. He then addressed the class about upcoming tests and some other things Elena couldn't have cared less about. The one thing on her mind was the last time she had been in that classroom, and who else had been there.

"_You don't have to see her if you don't want to."_

The look on his face, the sound of his voice, it kept repeating in Elena's mind. She was wrapped in the memory when the bell finally rang, and she was about to leave when Mr. Saltzman called her name and asked to talk to her. When everyone else was gone, he finally asked.

"What happened, Elena? I just dropped Jeremy home the other day and I haven't heard anything from any of you since then."

Why did she have to repeat it, relive it again?

"Damon's dead. Stefan left because he couldn't stay here anymore. "Excuse me, I have to go." She didn't wait for him to say or do anything; she just rushed out of the room. She ran into the lady's room and locked herself, letting the tears she'd been holding onto fall freely yet again.

* * *

The week had passed slowly, but now it was Friday. Caroline had been released from the hospital the previous night and the group of friends were going to the Grill to celebrate.

But Elena didn't feel like celebrating; she just felt… numb. During this past week she had barely spoken to anyone, and when she did it was brief, she hadn't really been paying attention to what anyone said to her. She was a shadow of herself, almost more so than after her parents had died. The hole in her heart created by her parents deaths had started to heal in the last few months, after the Salvatores came into her life. But now it had been ripped open again, deeper even than before, for two separate yet equally important reasons.

Firstly, because of Stefan. Because she missed the feeling of security he gave her, she missed the way she felt loved around him, she missed him. It didn't really matter that she didn't love him in the same way anymore, (something she was now sure of) but she did still feel for him on some level. Secondly, because of Damon. She had a hole in her heart because she felt responsible. A hole in her heart because she was full of regret. A hole in her heart because she wanted so badly to see him, to hear his voice, to touch him, to tell him she loved him, and she couldn't.

Elena knew she had to be happy for Caroline, and she was glad her friend was ok, but she was not happy. She didn't want to go and celebrate. Still, she had to for her friends sake.

Elena arrived at the Grill half an hour late, so everyone else was already there: Caroline, Matt, Tyler **(AN, I am not including the mayor's death and the whole werewolf thing, there are other things that I want to focus on)**… And Bonnie. Elena ignored her former best friend and went to greet Caroline. She hugged her friend, who was as cheerful as ever and they began talking about regular stuff – school, parties… then Caroline started talking about the pageant.

"I still can't believe I won! I mean, during the dance, all I could think about is how they set me up with that moron. I was so sure you'd win, Elena. I mean, I know that the last-minute change of escort was a surprise, but still, you and Damon danced so perfectly! All the things Mrs. Lockwood talked about – the near touch, the eye contact, you did it so perfectly. It was like you were meant to do it together."

Suddenly, Elena felt like she couldn't breathe. Like someone was suffocating her, and she couldn't stop it. She had to leave. "Guys, sorry, but I don't feel very well. I'm gonna take off. See you later." With that, she grabbed her purse and rushed towards the exit. In the parking lot, she braced herself against her car, taking deep breaths, trying to hold herself together.

"Elena…" She turned and saw that Bonnie had come after her.

"Just leave me the hell alone, Bonnie."

"I won't, Elena! You're clearly upset and I am still your friend. I won't leave you like that."

Elena looked her in the eye, and then spoke in a low, angry voice.

"You're wrong. I am not upset, I am crushed. I've been hurting every second of the past week, because someone very important to me died, and I am responsible for that. Because I used the fact that he trusted only me, and he did what I asked him to do, and that got him killed. All of this happened because of you. You stopped being my friend the second you lied to me, to Stefan, to Damon. After all the pain you've caused, please just leave me alone." Elena then got into her car and left.

Instead of going home, Elena drove to the Salvatore mansion. She parked her car and went straight to Damon's grave. She sat near it, and closed her eyes, the tears falling silently down her cheeks, allowing herself to stop pretending. At least for a little while.

* * *

The next day, Elena stayed home, while Jenna was away for a couple of days. Elena was glad about that, because she could see that her aunt was worried and that she was trying to get Elena to tell her what was wrong, but Elena just couldn't. The only person she kind of talked to about it was Jeremy. Although things between them were finally better, she still couldn't bare her soul to him completely. Maybe it was the fact that he blamed Damon for Vicky, or that she never thought that her baby brother was the person to cry her heart out to, or that he was finally happy and she didn't want him to worry about her, or simply that she didn't know what to say. She had tried to put what she felt in her diary, but she couldn't.

Elena was working on a homework assignment when someone knocked on the door. When she opened it and saw who was standing there, she suddenly felt annoyed and angry

"What do you want?"

* * *

**So, this my pathetic attempt for a cliffhanger :D It sucks, I know, but we'll have to live with it :P **

**Thanks to everyone who favorited, put the story and me on story alert and/or reviewed. It means a lot. Now, I started this fic after I started a video about Damon and Elena, set to What hurts the most by Rascal Flatts, about Elena dealing with Damon's death. I finished the video yesterday, which means after chapter 4 was posted and I told you to make your guesses about the missing pages, etc. My prize for those guys who got it right is a dedication. I dedicate this video to those people who guessed correctly =] The vid you can see here youtube(dot)com /watch?v=Gwjeip7SiO4**

**The person who got the closest to what I had in mind not just about the missing pages, but the fiction in general is Pandora03. She is also now my beta reader, and she will help this story to be better for you, guys =] **

**That's all for now! **

**x0x0**

**Ver**


	8. Chapter 6

"What do you want?"

"Elena, please, just hear me out…"

"What is there to hear out, Bonnie? You lied to me, you betrayed me, after all those years of friendship! You blamed Damon and Stefan for your grams' death, even though somewhere in there you know neither one of them knew it was gonna end that way! And because of that stupid hatred, Damon is dead. What could you possibly have to say to me now?"

"A lot. Please, let's go inside. Please, Elena! I'm begging you!"

Elena looked into the pleading eyes of the girl she used to call her best friend. She was so confused. Love for her friend and the hatred for what Bonnie did were fighting a battle inside of Elena. After a few moments, she stepped back from the doorway, giving Bonnie the silent invitation she needed. The two girls stood in front of each other, Elena's arms crossed in front of her chest, her eyes not meeting Bonnie's.

"Talk."

Bonnie sighed, and started.

"You have always been my best friend. More than that – to me, you were the sister I'd always wanted. Until recently, I thought nothing and no one could come between us. The Salvatores came and everything changed. We changed. I won't lie to you. I think Mystic Falls is better off without them. But you aren't. For whatever reasons, you care about them, they mean very much to you. It's my fault Stefan left and Damon is dead. I betrayed you, and there is no excuse for that. I should have removed the spell, or at least been honest with you and told you I couldn't do it. But I didn't, and for that, I am sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, Elena, I love you too much. That's why I will try to fix it."

On the last sentence, Elena finally looked at Bonnie, her eyes confused, and filled with tears.

"How could you possibly fix it? He's dead, Bonnie. He was staked. I helped Stefan bury him. Damon's gone. What could you possibly do?"

Bonnie opened her bag and took out the grimoire.

"I've been going through this and I found a spell that Emily created. I have no guarantee it's gonna work, and…"

"What spell?" Elena asked anxiously.

"Basically, it can turn back time. It only works if someone died, and there was something… unresolved, something that was meant to happen, but they died before it could. It will only work if you and Damon really had some kind of connection that you didn't explore properly before, and…"

Elena couldn't hear what Bonnie said afterwards. She could go back. She could see him again, hear his voice, touch him, talk to him… Damon…

"There are things you should know. I don't know how far back the spell will take you. It can be one day, or several months. Also, you will remember everything that happened. Only you. And… Elena, he will die again. I'm sorry, but this can't be changed. You will just have the chance to resolve things between the two of you, spend some time with him."

The tears were now streaming down Elena's cheeks. She was going to lose him again. She couldn't bear it; she wouldn't be able to go through it again…

"I know it's a lot to process, and you don't have to make the decision now. I just wanted you to know that I can give you some time with him, if that's what you want."

Elena closed her eyes, her emotions in turmoil. How was she supposed to go back, knowing what was going to happen, and be able to act normally? How was she supposed to go through seeing Damon die again? Pain and sadness overwhelmed her at the thought, and she pushed it away, remembering there was another part of her, the part that wanted to see him, to be close to him, to tell him she loved him… that part was stronger, and she knew in that moment she would go along with anything to be near him again.

"Do it."

Bonnie gave her a small reassuring smile. "Are you sure?"

Elena nodded. Bonnie smiled at her again, and started preparing for the spell. Elena was shaking. All this was scaring the hell out of her, but she knew she had to do it. She had to see him again.

"Ok, I'm ready. Take my hands, and clear your mind from anything else, apart from the moments you felt a connection with Damon, and the things you think are unsolved between you. Just think about him, and let whatever you feel for him consume you."

The young witch took her friend's hand in hers, and started chanting something in a language Elena had never heard. But she ignored that. She remembered everything: their first meeting; their talk her kitchen; how he saved her and their trip to Atlanta; how he asked her to be honest with him about Stefan's intentions; their talk when she gained his trust back and he told her he wanted it to be real; the broken look on his face after the tomb and the urge to comfort him; their dance; the late night talks they had when Stefan was locked up; the look on his face when Isobel said he was in love with her… She felt every emotion now, just as strongly as she had felt during those moments. She thought about how she wanted to show him how much he meant to her; the things she wanted to tell him; how much she actually loved him.

The candles burned out, and Elena felt a weird wave of energy going through her whole body before everything went back.

Elena opened her eyes with a gasp.

"Good morning, sleepy head. You know you sleep like the dead, right?"

She slowly turned around. "Damon."


	9. Chapter 7

"Good morning, sleepy head. You sleep like the dead, you know that?"

Elena closed her eyes briefly again, praying that when she turned around, he would really be there; praying it wasn't just another dream. She turned slowly, and there he was, Smirk intact, doing the eye thing she had confronted him about on Founder's day. He was really there…

"Damon."

"The one and only. Who were you expecting – Santa? "

Elena couldn't help it – a genuine smile touched her lips, and a few tears filled her eyes. Tears of utter happiness. He was really here. He was alive…After the initial shock, Elena realized they were in his car. _'The roadtrip'_ she thought. Still, she didn't know if they had already been to Atlanta, or if they were heading there.

"Where are we?"

"Georgia, just outside of Atlanta."

So they were heading there. They'd go to Bree's; Lee would kidnap her, etc. How was she supposed to act? She just couldn't start professing her love for Damon, nor could she tell him the truth. Elena took a deep breath before starting to speak.

"What happened with my car? You didn't just leave it there, did you?"

"Relax, kitten, I moved it out of the road. How are you feeling?" Damon asked, looking at her, and Elena noticed the concern in his voice and his eyes. 'Happy to see you alive again' was the true answer. But Elena settled for something much more casual.

"I'm fine, just a little sore."

"No broken bones, I checked."

Looking at him now, analyzing his words with the knowledge of what happened… or would happen, she wondered why she hadn't noticed all the little things that had shown he actually cared. She looked at him, really looked at him, his pale skin, his raven black hair, his perfect cheekbones , his bright blue eyes… A genuine smiled appeared on Elena's lips.

"Thank you, Damon. For saving me, for taking care of me. I really appreciate it, so… thank you."

Her sudden thanks caused Damon to turn his eyes from the road and look at her. Their eyes locked, and it was so intense that Elena felt shivers through her whole body, and she could bet Damon felt something too, even though she knew he wouldn't admit it.

Eventually, they broke eye contact and Damon focused on the road again. Elena wanted so much to tell him everything right then and there, but she knew she shouldn't. She knew she needed to wait. They were on their way to Atlanta. This meant that she had less than 3 months before Founder's day. She had less than 3 months to spend with him, less than 3 months to show him she loved him. Less than 3 months before she lost him for good…

Just thinking about it made her start shaking. Damon noticed and turned to her once again.

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah, I'm just a little shaken up. Will you pull over, I need some air…"

Damon nodded and pulled over. Elena got out of the car, and felt a sharp pain while moving that caused her to bend forward. And just like she remembered, Damon was by her side in an instant.

"I'm fine."

Elena remembered perfectly what she had said to him before, about needing to go back, etc. And she knew she had to act normally, but she just couldn't bring herself to say the same things. So, she thought about something she had never asked him.

"Damon, why are we two states away from Mystic Falls, on the way to Atlanta? And don't tell me something like 'cuz it's fun', I'm not gonna buy it. Tell me the truth."

Damon rolled his eyes and sighed.

"You were so much more fun when you were asleep. I was on my way here when I found you; I have someone to see, and I couldn't help but be the damsel in distress' dark knight, especially since it seemed her white knight screwed up." he said with his typical smirk.

Elena rolled her eyes, a small smile on her lips. God, how she had missed his sarcastic remarks.

"Why would you think Stefan did something wrong?"

"Ok, let's see. You were driving way over the speed limit from the direction of the boarding house. Then you wrecked your car. I saved you, pulled you out of there, and the only words you said to me before you fainted were _'I look like her'_. Now, here we are, you've been awake for quite some time, and you haven't once told me to call him to come rescue you from me. And, of course, Stefan is a boring, brooding nuisance."

Elena shot him a glare, and Damon responded with his 'eye-thing'.

"He's your brother, Damon, and you care about him."

Before he could say anything in response, Elena's phone rang in his back pocket. Damon looked at the caller ID. "It's your boyfriend."

Elena remembered how mad she had been at Stefan, and how she had no desire to hear his voice. But now, things were different. She knew much more than she knew before, and she knew what she had to do. That's why she took the phone from Damon's hand and answered it.

"Elena, where are you? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Stefan. We will talk when I get back, ok?"

"But Elena, _where_ are you? Please, I know that you are upset, but I can…"

Whatever Stefan wanted to say, Elena wasn't meant to hear it. Damon took the phone out of her hand. "She clearly isn't in the mood to talk to you. Now go eat a squirrel and have a good day."

He hung up and handed Elena her phone. She looked at him and shook her head.

"You are unbelievable."

"I know, but I prefer to be called incredible, fabulous..."

"Your immense ego will probably suffocate someone someday."

"You love it."

Truth was she did. Although sometimes it pissed her off immensely, she still loved his cocky attitude and smart-ass remarks, because they were part of him, and she loved him, for better or for worse.

"I gotta say, I never thought you'd be so agreeable. I thought I'd have to compel you, since I can, now that you are without your pretty little necklace."

Elena sighed.

"I need to get away for a while, to just forget my crazy life and be myself."

Damon smirked.

"Now that's the right attitude! I was starting to think Stefan's brooding was rubbing off on you." Elena looked at him again and smiled slightly.

"I trust you, Damon. I trust you with my life, and with my mind. I trust you to let it be real."

His face suddenly became serious and he looked intensely into her eyes. Elena studied his face, trying to define what exactly she saw there. She saw surprise, she saw vulnerability, she saw humanity. She saw the real Damon.

As they stared into each other's eyes, both feeling the crackling electrical connection between them, neither one could move or talk, or react in any way. They stood there, staring at each other for… it could have been seconds, it could have been years, neither one actually knew. Eventually, the spell broke, and Damon's cocky smirk slid back into place.

"Get in the car."


	10. Chapter 8

They were back on the road. At first, they sat in comfortable silence, and when Damon turned on the radio Elena smiled.

"I assumed you'd be into rock. I mean, it suits you."

Damon smirked.

"You can't imagine what it was like back then. For you, it's just music from another time, before you were born. But I saw where this music came from, how it changed people's lives. It was… amazing."

Elena smiled again.

"My dad loved rock, too. He could spend hours listening to Deep Purple, Queen, Pink Floyd, and be perfectly content."

Damon looked at her, and saw her smiling at the memory. He had thought this 'memory lane trip' would upset her, but he saw that it had the opposite effect – it made her remember what it felt to be happy. It was good to see her like that – smiling, letting go of her worries. That was the moment when Damon promised himself he'd make sure she had fun on this trip, no matter what.

"And what kind of music you are into? Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift?"

"Oh, for heaven's sake, no! I like rock, but not the hard stuff like AC/DC. I like bands like Queen and Foreigner, as well as some newer stuff, like The Fray, Lifehouse, Massive Attack, Muse, Nickelback."

"Why, Elena Gilbert, you never cease to surprise me."

They both smiled at that as Damon pulled the car over. They had reached Bree's. Just as they stepped through the door, Elena put her hand on Damon's shoulder, leaning up to him.

"Be careful, please."

Damon managed to smirk through his look of surprise.

"Enough brooding, kitten. Let the fun begin."

They entered the bar, and the second Bree saw Damon, they were all over each other, lips locked. Elena felt a sudden wave of burning jealousy consume her. She had known this would happen. She had seen it before. The first time, it had felt… uncomfortable to watch them. Now, it didn't just feel uncomfortable, it felt… wrong and painful. Elena wanted nothing more than to tear them apart from each other and kiss Damon instead, with everything she had in her, everything she felt for him. But she couldn't do that.

After Bree's greeting, Damon and Elena sat on the bar, while Bree went behind the counter and took out a bottle of tequila.

"Listen up, everybody! Here's to the man that broke my heart, crushed my soul, destroyed my life and ruined any and all chances of happiness."

With those words, she placed one shot in front of Elena, and one in front of Damon. Just like before. But this time, Elena drank her shot, instead of giving it to Damon. After everything that's been going on, she needed it. She saw Damon's smirk as she fired down her shot.

"Now that's more like it, Elena."

Before Elena had the chance to retort, Bree asked:

"So, how did he rope you in?"

"Oh, um, we aren't… I mean…"

"Honey, if you are not roped, you're whipped. Either way, just enjoy the ride."

Elena could practically feel Damon's smug grin as he heard Bree's words.

"You know, when I met him, about 20 years ago, I was a freshman in college, and the moment I saw him, I fell in love. And when I learned his secret, it made me love him even more because I had a secret of my own that I was dying to share."

"She's a witch."

Damon whispered in Elena's ear. She remembered she had been pretty shocked the first time, and wondered what Damon needed from a witch. Now she knew he wanted to find a way to open the tomb for Katherine. If only he knew the truth…

"I forgot my phone in the car. I'll just go get it, and let you ladies bond."

With that, he stood up and left. Both women gazed at his back as he departed. Bree sighed before speaking again.

"He really changed my world, you know. Damon is the only man I've ever loved. But loving this man is the second hardest thing in the world. Eventually, he just leaves you behind to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart. And all because of Katherine…"

Elena looked at the woman in front of her, and saw that she meant every word. She had loved him, and he had shattered her. Because for Damon, it had always been and would always be only Katherine… That thought burned her heart and made it hurt in the worst possible way.

'Pull yourself together' she thought. Suddenly, she caught on something else Bree had said.

"You said loving him was the second hardest thing. What was the first?" Bree smiled.

"Not falling in love with him. Truly impossible, I might say. But you already know that, don't you?."

Before Elena could respond, Damon reappeared.

"So, what are you two talking about? Me, I hope."

* * *

After the awkward conversation with Bree, Elena decided to just try to forget everything, and enjoy the fact that she was far away from the mess in Mystic Falls, with Damon. Because being with him, no matter when, where, or how, was what mattered more than anything.

Damon ordered food, and while they waited he finally got the chance to dig into the reason behind Elena's accident.

"So, are you gonna tell me what my saint of a brother did?"

Elena looked at him and smiled.

"You are enjoying this, aren't you? Seeing problems between me and Stefan?"

Damon smirked.

"Of course! I knew Stefan would screw up eventually. So, start talking."

Elena sighed.

"Well, I found Katherine's picture in his room."

"Ouch! Stupid move, especially when I have a pretty good idea of why you were in his room."

That made Elena blush. Damon mentioning her sex life with Stefan – so not ok! It was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to her. So she decided to change the direction of the conversation.

"The reason I got mad was that he hid it from me. I mean, if he didn't come to me because he saw me as Katherine, why would he hide it and lie about it?"

Damon looked into Elena's eyes, and for the first time since they started their trip, he actually looked serious.

"He didn't say anything because that's who he is, Elena. He thinks that by hiding and lying, he's doing the best for you, protecting you. He thinks you're fragile and you'll break, and that makes him an idiot. As for your resemblance to Katherine, yes, I am pretty sure you reminded him of her when he first saw you. But after just a minute of watching you, or talking to you, I'm sure he knew you are nothing like Katherine. Trust me, you two couldn't be more different."

Elena looked straight into his eyes, and found herself drowning in them. But she brought herself to ask the question that has been going through her mind for a while.

"What about you? Who am I to you, Damon?"

"You're not Katherine. As I said, polar opposites. You are Elena Gilbert – a stubborn judgy teenage girl who seems to attract trouble. But you have fire - that's what I like about you."

It was at that moment Bree came back with their food order and Damon's beer. Elena immediately removed the pickles from her burger, and as she expected, he looked at her as if she was crazy.

"How can you not like pickles?"

"Well, I find them gross. How can you like them? So, apart from pickles, expensive scotch and blood from sorority girls, what does Damon Salvatore enjoy?"

"Sex" he said pointedly.

"And?"

"That's it."

"Damon…"

He rolled his eyes, took a sip of his beer, and spoke again.

"Well, I love the Summer. Hot weather, long days, girls in bikinis… I'd love to see you in one of those by the way."

Elena shot him a judgy look, but managed a grin.

"I love reading my favorite books again and again, like "Call of the wild". I love driving sports cars ridiculously fast. I love listening to the rain while sipping my scotch in front of the fireplace. And so far, I enjoy your company, miss Gilbert."

They smiled at each other, and Elena couldn't help but feel happy. Those simple things, that was what made her happy.

"You're not the worst company in the world, Damon."

* * *

Damon and Elena spent hours playing pool, drinking, and just kicking back having fun. She enjoyed his annoyed look every time she beat him at pool and his lame attempts to cover it up with _'Only because I let you win'_. They laughed, joked and were both relaxed, just being themselves. After the God knows which shot, Damon looked at Elena amused and quite surprised.

"Woman, you sure can drink."

"Oh, you should have seen me a year ago. There wasn't a single party I missed. I laughed, I drank, I flirted. Ask Bonnie, Caroline or Matt if you don't believe me. I was much more fun then."

"Well, tonight you're doing just fine. Cheers to that!"

After a few more rounds, Elena went to the lady's room. Just before she went through the door, someone grabbed her from behind and dragged her out of the bar. With everything else that had happened, she had completely forgotten about Lexi's boyfriend. A wave of panic came over Elena. _'What if it happens tonight? What if I loose him again after such a short time?'_ was the only thing she could think about.

Before she knew it, Elena was on the stairs, and Damon was coming after her.

'Damon, NO! Run!"

But he didn't. He looked worriedly at her, and that was when Lee hit him with the bat. Elena ran as fast as she could. This time, when Lee turned to face her, she didn't stop. She ran until she was between him and Damon.

'Don't hurt him, please!'

'Are you insane? Get out of here, Elena!' Damon said, and Elena barely turned to him, and whispered:

"I won't leave you."

'You better listen to your boyfriend and leave!' Lee groaned at her.

"No! Listen, I know what he did was horrible, and that Lexi didn't deserve to die, but I'm begging you not to hurt him!"

Lee, as well as Damon for that matter, looked a little surprised that Elena knew so much, but she didn't care. What mattered was saving Damon.

"He killed her! Lexi just went to see Stefan. She hadn't done anything to him, and he killed her. He deserves to die!"

"You're right, she didn't deserve to die. She was good, and she loved you, which means you are good too. So please, don't do this! She wouldn't want you to…"

The vampire stared at her for a while, then pushed her aside, grabbed Damon and threw him into the adjacent building, and disappeared. Elena ran to Damon, her whole body shaking.

"Are you ok? How can I help?"

Damon tried to stand, but his leg was still healing, so he remained sitting on the ground.

"I'm gonna be fine, I'll just need a few minutes for my leg to heal."

He looked at her tear-streaked face, and noticed she was shaking. That reaction completely floored him. Sure, he knew that Elena didn't want him dead, but she looked like… Like she couldn't bare the thought of loosing him. Why? – that he couldn't understand.

"Calm down. Vampire, remember? Now, tell me, are you suicidal or what? What you just did was incredibly stupid."

"I couldn't let him kill you."

Their eyes locked and she felt it again. This bond, this understanding, the need. In that moment more than ever, she knew she'd do anything for him. She pulled up her sleeve, and gave him her wrist.

"Drink."

Damon looked at her incredulously.

"What?"

"You need blood. Take mine."

He felt hunger, and it was true that if drank blood right then and there, he'd heal faster. But…

"Thanks, but no. I'm ok. Now, help me get up and let's go."

"But, Damon…"  
"No buts. Now, will you help me up?"

Elena sighed and got up, offering her hand. Once standing, they were mere inches apart. Elena's eyes traveled from his eyes to his lips and she wanted nothing more than to kiss him. But it was not the right time and place.

"You sure you're ok?"

"Yeah. I'll go talk to Bree then we're heading back to Mystic Falls."

With everything Elena had learned in the past months, she was pretty sure what Damon meant by 'talking' to Bree. And she couldn't let it happen.

"No. I know you don't want to talk to her. You want to punish her for sending him after you – you're going to kill her. And I can't let you."

"And how do you plan to stop me?"

"I'm asking you not to."

"She set me up, Elena!"

"For me, Damon. Please, don't kill her. For me."

He looked at her intensely, mulling it over. He watched her pleading face, and he knew - he could deny Elena nothing.

"At least let me talk to her. I have some things to ask her."

"About freeing Katherine from the tomb?" she asked, trying not to show the emotion she felt about that damn tomb and Katherine. He smirked at her.

"You really are smarter than I gave you credit for. Yes, that's what I originally came for. Getting you drunk was just a bonus."

She rolled her eyes. Damon was still Damon. And truth was, she loved that.

"You don't need her for that. I know what you need."

His face suddenly became serious.

"What do you know?"

"You'll need Emily's spell book. The spell must be in there."

Damon studied her curiously.

"How would you know that?"

Elena had to think fast, she couldn't risk losing his trust.

"My best friend's a witch. I spend most of my time with vampires. I think I have an idea how things work by now."

Damon was still studying her, his eyes slightly narrowed. Elena was trying to convey with her gaze that he could trust her, that she wouldn't betray him. She only hoped he could still read her as well as before.

"Get in the car before I change my mind."

* * *

They spent most of the drive back to Mystic Falls in comfortable silence. Elena cherished the time with him, even if it was just sitting in the car with him. But she knew they had to talk. And she would have to be the one to start the conversation.

"Thank you for bringing me with you."

"Well, you were there on the road, all damsel-in-distress like. And I knew it would piss off Stefan. And… you're not the worst company in the world, Elena. Give yourself more credit."

He spoke the same words he had the previous time and she smiled at the memory.

"Well, thank you."  
"Just don't make it a habit to get into situations where you need saving. And besides, you saved my life. So, thanks."

"You're welcome."

After giving her a quick smirk, Damon focused on the road and Elena took a deep breath. She needed it for the next part of the conversation.

"So, about the tomb… Are you sure you want to open it?"

Damon visibly tensed, then slowly nodded. "It's the only thing I've been sure of for the past 145 years."

"Are you sure she's worth it, Damon? It's going to be dangerous. Is Katherine worth it?"

"To me she is."

Elena tried to reign in her disappointment. He truly loved Katherine and he'd have to go through the realization that she was not in the tomb; that she had been out there, alive and well all this time and never bothered to look for him. She wanted nothing more than to spare him the heartbreak. But she knew there was no way to do that.

"Then I'll help you."

Damon looked at her, curiously.

"And what will Stefan have to say about this?"

"This is not about Stefan. You are my friend, Damon, and I will help you. If you'll let me."

This was an odd turn of events - he hadn't expected any of this. He hadn't expected Elena to care, or to be willing to help him. Elena Gilbert never ceased to amaze him.

* * *

Back at the Boarding House, Elena walked into Stefan's room. She had asked Damon to give them some time alone. She didn't tell him why, but was relieved when he'd agreed. Stefan rushed over to her as soon as he saw her standing in the threshold.

"Elena, are you ok? I was so worried…"

"I'm fine, Stefan. But we need to talk."

She could see the pain, the guilt in his eyes, along with the genuine love he felt for her. This was not going to be easy.

"I know you didn't hide the truth from me to hurt me Stefan, but you still did. I know you thought you were doing what you thought was best, because you care about me."  
"I don't just care about you, Elena. I love you."

God, it was harder than she imagined. Even though Stefan didn't know it, they had been through so much together, they had been so happy and she still loved him, just not in the same way. Yes, there was a small part of her that still felt the same way about him. After all, she couldn't just stop loving him in a day or a few weeks, but this part of her was getting smaller and smaller, while her love for Damon was growing and getting stronger. That's why this had to end.

"I know you do, Stefan. And I'm not mad or hurt about Katherine anymore. But things have changed, and I can't be with you anymore. I'm so sorry."

She could almost hear his heart breaking, but she had to go with her feelings - it was best for all of them.

"Elena, please… I'm sorry."

"I am too, Stefan. You mean the world to me, you do. This is harder for me than you know. But there are things I can't explain now. Maybe someday I will be able to tell you, but now I can't."

"Is this about Damon? What did he do?"

"He didn't do anything but protect me, Stefan. He saved my life on the road, and then he put himself at risk to protect me. He didn't do anything wrong, so please, don't blame or confront him. You just have to understand that we can't be together."

"Elena…"

She pulled him into a hug then, and let a few tears fall.

"We met, and we talked, and we fell in love, and it was epic. But reality set in and it just has to end."

She pulled away and Stefan nodded sadly, letting her know that he respected her decision. He kissed her on the forehead and then she left.

This was their closure.

* * *

**AN: I'm so sorry for the months of wait! It's just that life has been crazy - I'm incredibly busy with university (I'm studying medicine), my grams was seriously ill and she was in a hospital for almost 2 months, not breathing on her own... Then I had some health problems myself, so I hope you'd understand! I can't promise when the next update will be, but I promise you I'll do my best to post it soon!**

**x0x0**


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